seen today outside the Pantages Theater in Hollywood, where Daquan, Roman and I intended to see final show of The Color Purple:
Let us count the ways:
1. wide-legged jeans.
2. microbraids.
3. sides shaved off.
4. a "tail", luscious volume provided by the manifested self-hate of 1000 LaToya Jackson fans.
Sadly, this gent was not much worse than the dozens of other Negroes donning their most daring, 2nd-Pew-Disapproved Sunday
I spied animal prints, neon green dashikis, top hats, stretched lace, FLATS outside of church and.....CORK WEDGES .
*weeps*
Imagine strutting your wide hips and unconvincing newly-purchased wig to see Celie sang, when you suddenly feel a breeze. Yes. Deaconess Perkin's bright red skirt ran away from her massive rump and hit the ground...IN THE PARKING LOT.
SHAWAMM.
Her good girlfriend didn't stop and help immediately. She damn near fell on the ground laughing. We silently gasped and pretended not to notice. After she recovered with no help from her now-crying friend, we were asked:
"DID YALL SEE THAT?!?!?"
Some friend she turned out to be. If you can't trust your sistergirl to shield your stretch marks and period panties from the world, who CAN you trust??
We partook in overpriced brunch then ventured off to see Shutter Island.
As always, Leonardo DiCaprio played his role well, but as my father suggested, the plot was too ambitious.
"They tried to do way too much," were his exact words.
We all know cliffhangers are great methods of setting up for a sequel. This film needs a sequel like Tyler Perry needs cunnilingus lessons. Didn't love it. Didn't hate it. Just wouldn't sell a friend on seeing it. I am also thankful we saw it for $6.50.
In other news, still awaiting the final verdict on my beloved dead hard drive, Brenda. A few final tricks will be done tomorrow. If it turns out for the worst, I am catching a first class flight to the Little Debbie Factory in the sky. Believe that.
Aside from that, the weekend was enjoyable. Learned to bartend at work last night and came across some free books to trade in at the bookstore tomorrow. Hip Hop Hooray.
What did YOU do with your life today?
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Sunday: DSL is installed and activated.
Monday: I "find" Set It Off, Dead Presidents, The Wire: Season One, Law Abiding Citizens, the Fifth Element, Manchurian Candidate, and The Kingdom all for $.99 on zml.com.
Wednesday: Cory mentions spending hundreds of dollars on Final Cut Studio and Adobe CS4. I offer to "find" these for him as well.
Thursday: I empty my laptop on to my HD to make space for these programs. Over 60 GB of music. Choreography footage. Articles. Essays. Documents. All things Janet (discography, videos, ipod videos, specials, performances, EVERY download). I begin downloading. These are HUGE files that will take DAYS to download via BitTorrent.
Friday: Shifting in bed, I drop Brenda on the floor. Heart falls out of butt. Reconnect Brenda to laptop, am prompted to format the drive prior to use. This means, "Your drive is empty, playa." I gulp a bottle of painkillers.
Saturday: Brenda is in surgery with George, the $1 Store manager/computer technician who previously breathed new life into Brenda when she had health issues last year. Awaiting the call. All may easily be lost.
Facing the death of a loved one is never hard. Times like these caused me to balloon to #0# lbs back in 2008.
If I am forced to replace Brenda, you can bet that my empty hard drive and USB cable will be coming to a computer near you.
You'll definitely know the outcome. If I disappear, things didn't work out in my favor. I will most likely have Brenda cremated and spread across the peaceful waters of Lake Minnetonka.
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By now, most of you have seen or heard about this "epic beard man" fight on a bus recently. In the video, a Black man in cornrows (in 2010) picks a fight with a 67-year old white man. And [he] loses. Horribly. Pundits and pro-Black voices nationwide pulled their pants down and cried racism at the video's wild popularity. The chance to see a Black man beat down by a white man is just too exciting to miss out on, they claim.
Sure, some ignorant remarks were spotted on youtube comment sections. Racists and jerks alike seek these polarizing clips out and spew their stupidspeak daily. It's nothing new. The same "insensitivity" can be found in the comment sections of any video featuring people with disabilities or handicaps. What's so special about THIS case?
For me, I just find humor in the fact that the brother gets amped up by the (Black) person with the camera and those near him on the bus ("Beat that nigga's ass!") and takes action. Like a champ, the white man matches his intensity, verbally, and refuses to back down ("I'm 67 years old! You don't scare me!").
I don't know why we (coloreds) tend to be convinced that a person not of color can't and won't beat the collard greed juice out of us. This is a phenomenon I just can't grasp. While I find fights ridiculous and pointless, the fool got what he deserved. Here is the effect of not knowing when to shut up...on your face: blood and shame.
periodically, a person enters my life whose presence is more significant than i could ever realize in the moment. last year, while living in Brooklyn, i met a man who has, i now realize, immeasurably changed my life. our paths crossed at a very interesting point in my life. i was four months into what became 13 months of celibacy. i was milling over some very big life decisions. i was taking deliberate steps to focus more on ME, as well as my goals, desires, and overall joy as opposed to any type of WE/US scenario. i'd felt stronger, mentally, than i had in recent memory...especially after way 2008 gang raped my spirits.
Rodney offered refuge. he was a breath of fresh air compared to what i had allowed myself to be surrounded by at the time. his life story alone helped me realize the power i held within. we did "date" briefly, but above that, i appreciated his wisdom, sense of humor, humility, and determination. he was relentless in his personal pursuit of happiness, and that was more endearing that any other quality he possessed. i loved what HE represented. he'd devoted two years to losing half his body weight and had a very strong spiritual base. in the end, the sum of his life's experiences made him a selfless, generous soul, sharing his knowledge and joy with all he encountered.
new, free music from a severely underrated singer, Teedra Moses. she released this to the public today after months of anticipation and "delays." if this is what she's offering up for FREE, to hold me over until an actual CD drops, i'm sure it'll be worth the wait.
enjoy.
download HERE
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Back in November, I had the pleasure of seeing the homie Chas (@iamchas), Nikki Blak (@nikkiblak) and a host of other brilliant people compete in InkSlam 2009, a slam poetry competition. This was my first time experiencing slam poetry, and from the moment I walked in the venue, I felt a change. At the time, I was starting to feel the effects of a perceived cultural deprivation while adjusting from New York to Califerny. Something as simple as being asked what books I read, who I enjoy, or even a lively literary discussion is basically nonexistent among the dancers with whom I've spent much of my time.
Naturally, I was completely open and prepared to be overwhelmed, mentally and emotionally. Nikki Blak represented ELEVATED! San Diego. I'd heard many good things about this woman previously. Of course, she blew me away with her piece.
She was so insanely passionate with her delivery, I felt as if looking away while she spoke would throw off the Earth's rotation. She is POWERFUL. I can't wait to see her chocolate ass on a stage again. Check her site out HERE.
I've known Chas since...probably 2006 via my myspace blog. He's been supportive of my insanity and my work for years. I knew he did poetry, and in 2007, he sent me a collection of his writing, which I still have. Amazing, he is. I've never seen him do slam poetry, however, and I was in for quite a suprise.
My mouth was agape throughout his performance. It's a weird sensation to see someone you've known for years do something incredibly beautiful and, to me, unexpected. Completely unlike seeing a high school classmate in a porno. THAT is another blog entry. To say that I was impressed is an understatment. He came across extremely confident, and rightfully so. I welcome any opportunty to support him in the future.
There was one piece in particular that moved me to tears, honestly. Rudy Francisco ripped my heart open with his performance. It's the story of life-ruining heartbreak, to say the least. Perhaps it affected me this way because I've known this type of love.
WOW. By the time he got to EIGHT, I was gone. gone. gone. I had a moment! I took a second to recover afterwards. Watching it a month later and again now, the same feeling is there. No tears this time, but I can vividly recall the feeling in the room.Very powerful shit.
I respect what these poets do because this is something I have absolutely NO inclination towards. My elementary-level poetry efforts are laughable in comparison. I need this type of passion and talent in my life soon. This form of expression, whether truly vulnerable or secretly forced, was motivating as hell. I must make it to some of the poetry spots Chas suggested for me. Thanks everyone for sharing your talents with the world.
an inspired fan of your passion,
~colored boy.
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i've recently come to terms with my red velvet addiction. cakes. cupcakes. cookies. whatever. i'll take six, please and thanks.
since relocating to Los Angeles, i've had a few varying red velvet experiences, some good, some bad.
here's what i've had thus far:
The year is 2010. A man named after a yeast infection cream, Plaxico Burress, recently went from Superbowl champion to D-Block Superbitch.
The much-feared mythical beast, The Ashantisaurus, still roams landfills and shopping mall parking lots, melting brains and devouring unsuspecting Virgins.
Unborn Negro Baby Swallower Number One, Kim Kardashian, is, despite the popular saying, on the verge of becoming a housewife.
And we are one year into a presidency that most thought would never happen. Congratulations America.
Not only do we have a non-Caucasian Commander-In-Cheif, but he is light-skinned with no Negro dialect at that!
Shazzam!
...I still sleep with eyes half-open, apparently. After some splendid baked ziti (which I prepared) and some Svedka vodka, in celebration of the homie Steven's last night in LA, I sat down and dozed off within minutes.
Being the good friend he is, Steven put this pic up on Twitter.
Such a pal, he is. At least I've gotten better at this. Years ago, aside from being perpetually sleep-deprived, I used to carry extensive, one-sided conversations in my sleep. I also used to regularly answer my phone while asleep.
We all have our faults. Sadly, I'm not perfect. Hell, you probably enjoy cottage cheese. *insert judgment*
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